Fortunately (yet unfortunately), not many male celebrities (ahem, Elijah Wood) follow A Fork in the Rhode, so I don’t think I’ll offend too many of our readers.
So let’s get right into it. In my 22 years of living and interacting with other humans, I’ve made quite a keen observation--Short men have a very similar height complex to extremely tall women. Sadly, women beyond a 6’2” stature can do very little to mask their towering appearance. Squatty men, on the other hand, have the grand luxury of wearing…elevator shoes.
In case you’re puzzled, take a quick peek at tallmenshoes.com—“a leading American online store featuring Men’s Height Increase Elevator Shoes.” Mmmkay...so read on and we see that they’ve developed average-looking shoes that have a hidden 2 to 5 inch heel inside… they improve posture..are made of high quality leather..the list of benefits goes on and on…. Now get to the bottom of the paragraph, and things quickly become perplexing…”Elevator shoes are the only and final solution to height increasement.”
FINAL!? Hardly. Allow me to paint a Mona Lisa.
It’s Friday. Darren (at a paltry 5’4”) is prepping for a night out with the boys. After a grueling weight lifting sesh and downing 2 muscle milks, he gels the hair, picks out his slickest Diesel tee and Sevens, and slips on his 4.4 inch Caldens.
Fast forward to 1:30am. Darren is 8 shots deep, and Maureen (at 5’7”) has been really feeling his fohawk and mysterious winks on the dance floor. As 2 am nears, she makes an executive decision to go home with him. Skip to the next morning…Dar wakes up (sans platform loafers)…and well I think the rest of the story speaks for itself. Maureen has been duped and Darren is left feeling self-conscious and insecure once again.
Let’s face it…elevator shoes are the modern day Wonder Bra. Once they come off, reality rears its ugly head.
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