Now it was hard enough as a young teen, facing some of the most socially [and physically] awkward times of your life and having that shiny metal aglow every time you opened your mouth. Getting braces in 7th grade, when I was mind numbingly skinny and a head taller than the boys was like wearing a magenta pantsuit at a Playboy party. (Just to clear any confusion.. I’ve never personally been to one of Hef’s social get-togethers, nor have I ever had the pleasure of wearing such a professional ensemble)
I do, however, miss the days of going to the orthodontist and color coordinating my bracket bands with the upcoming holidays. Red and green for Christmas, Orange and black for Halloween (although black was always questionable), and, duh, pastels for the Easter Passover. Of course, you always knew when your classmates had made a trip to the ortho..coming in late to class showing off their new colorful chops.
Unfortunately, most adults miss out on this simple luxury. They’re faced with the mundane silver bands that exhibit a certain level of maturity and class. They’re also masters of hiding the fact that they have a big mouth full o’ metal. Tight-lipped smiles and a heightened awareness of upper lip movement involves enough obsessive thought and energy, it would make even Megan Fox feel self-conscious about her image. I tend to have sympathy for braceface adults..but maybe that’s just me. Although it’s a personal choice to begin orthodontics at such an old age, I feel like it’d be a humbling experience that would bring any normal grown-up right back to the days of week-long dating and loitering in front of Edward Cinemas.
Cheers to 2010, straight teeth, and to wearing your retainers! Love ya.
Exhibit 1: Me and my 6th grade boyfriend Dom. I obviously felt really comfortable with the height difference
Exhibit 2: Favorite episode of SATC...Miranda gets braces. Nothing better.
